Both intimacy and communication play critical roles in the strength and health of any relationship, romantic or platonic. To become emotionally close, the two factors work together to create a sense of trust and understanding. Continue reading
Do You And Your Partner Feel Emotionally Disconnected?
Do you feel like you and your significant other keep having the same fight over and over?
Has infidelity entered your relationship and left you wondering how you’ll ever rebuild trust?
Maybe you can’t seem to talk about difficult things without the conversation turning into an argument. Seemingly inconsequential issues—who didn’t do the dishes, who didn’t take out the trash—blow up into shouting matches and lead to the silent treatment. As a result, you may feel like you’re walking on eggshells with each other. For the first time, you may be thinking of seeing a couples therapist.
Perhaps A Sense Of Roommate Syndrome Has Come Over Your Relationship
Maybe the two of you get along decently, but the spark just isn’t there anymore. Intimacy has fallen on the backburner and now you only seem to connect over chores and responsibilities. It’s like you’re coworkers or roommates rather than two people in love. This could make you deeply lonely, even when you’re together—as if you’re just going through the motions without really being present in each other’s lives.
Whether you want to work through intense conflict or your relationship simply needs a tune-up, I encourage you to get in touch with me. With my compassionate, emotionally-focused approach to couples therapy, I’m confident that I can help you and your partner connect with each other in a deeper, more meaningful way
I work with relationships of all kinds and I am an LGBTQ+ ally and non-monogamy ally, so no matter what kind of partnership you’re in, I would be happy to take this journey with you!
No Relationship Is Perfect Because People Are Not Perfect
There is wisdom in accepting that no relationship is ideal—it takes two to tango and we all step on each other’s toes from time to time. The key is to understand what makes us do so. Even when we have the best of intentions, sometimes our actions rub our partner the wrong way. This tends to happen the most in romantic relationships, since the stakes are higher. The other person occupies such an important place in our lives, so every little interaction matters so much more.
For many couples, the beginning of a relationship feels effortless and free-flowing—as if nothing can go wrong. But as they go through different developmental stages together, their relationship starts to change. This especially the case when they have kids, become empty nesters, retire, or go through a significant loss together. All of these developments force people to evolve, which leaves their relationships with no choice but to evolve, too.
When Things Get Hard, Many Couples Turn To Surface Solutions
All too often, couples try to treat a symptom rather than the core issue. They fight about chores around the house and mundane problems instead of realizing that the deeper issue is feeling disconnected. They often think, “My partner is the problem,” and conclude that their relationship would be happy if their partner would only change.
The problem is that the answer is never that simple. In reality, two people have to be willing to learn, grow, and shift their dynamic if they want their relationship to improve.
Therapy Can Help Couples Understand Each Other On A Deeper Level
For many couples, the idea of seeking help is a last resort—something they’d only do on the brink of separation. But the truth is that couples therapy can benefit anyone. It can help couples who are dealing with high levels of conflict as well as those who are simply looking to cover the bases before their wedding day. So whether you’re married, unmarried, or engaged, I’m confident that you will find this process beneficial.
My sessions provide a safe space for you and your significant other to express your experiences and learn to communicate with each other in a clearer, more direct way. I will help you slow down, listen to your emotions, and get to the heart of the matter instead of focusing on secondary issues. The goal is for you to be vulnerable with each other without compromising the emotional security of your relationship.
In the first session, I’ll meet with you and your partner together so that I can hear from both of you about your relationship’s strengths and weaknesses. After that, I’ll hold separate sessions with each of you to learn about your individual histories, families, and past relationships. When that’s done, I’ll resume meeting with both of you for the rest of counseling.
What we work on ultimately depends on what you’re struggling with. Oftentimes, couples come in talking about surface issues in their relationship, only for those issues to lead us to deeper places. Typically, there are repetitive cycles underlying the problems in a relationship. My job is to help both parties identify their part in that pattern and learn to break it together, allowing them to reach for each other in a more loving way.
My Emotionally-Focused Approach To Couples Therapy
To help couples overcome negative cycles of communication, I often draw from Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), a science-backed approach that is often considered the gold standard for couples counseling.* The goal of EFT is to help you pay attention to the emotions that are fueling your negative cycles. You will learn to tune in to the hurts, fears, and longings underlying your behaviors, allowing you to recognize what’s getting in the way of your ability to communicate healthily.
For instance, maybe you like to address conflict head-on while your partner shies away from it. EFT can help you communicate the deeper reasons why you prefer to confront conflict—e.g., “When we don’t address our problems, I don’t feel secure in our relationship.” In this way, the focus is on your feelings instead of the other person’s flaws.
By combining the wisdom of EFT with a compassionate and inclusive approach, I believe that I can empower you and your partner to thrive for years to come. I love what I do because I have seen people repair major ruptures, reconnect, and come back from the brink. Hope may seem difficult to access right now, but my role is to hold onto that hope for you until you experience it yourself!
You May Have Some Questions About Marriage And Couples Therapy…
If we go to counseling, doesn’t that mean we’re destined for divorce?
To the contrary—going to therapy is one of the best ways to ensure that your relationship lasts. I am a huge advocate for preventative work, such as premarital therapy, so that you can address things before there are bigger issues. In that sense, therapy can act as a safeguard against any future problems, since it can help you anticipate disagreements before they happen.
Won’t talking about our problems just make them worse?
Constantly sweeping an issue under the rug won’t make it go away. Just as a physical wound won’t heal if you ignore it, sometimes you can’t leave an emotional wound unattended. My job is to help you explore the emotional wounds at the root of your struggles. I’ll help you break down your conflicts, explore what’s been left unsaid, and understand the deeper issues so that you’re not just treating symptoms.
Therapy is expensive. Can’t we just read a book or listen to a podcast instead?
Books and online resources are great! They can be a valuable adjunct to our work together. But if reading a book or listening to a podcast could create lasting changes, I wouldn’t have a job. My work is more than just talking about issues intellectually. It is an experiential exploration where we practice doing things differently with one another in session. It’s an embodied approach that helps identify where you and your partner get blocked or stuck.
I Believe In The Bonds Between Partners
I also believe that even when there is anger, conflict, and reactivity, there is a love and connection that binds people together. If you want to experience that love and connection for yourself, I encourage you to pursue couples therapy with me. To get started, you can use the contact page or call 303-503-5295.